Spectrum
by Lady Artemis
Summary: Set during New Moon in the time from when Edward receives news of Bella's death from Rosalie until he reaches Italy.
1. Prologue

**Disclaimer:** All characters are not owned by me and are used without permission solely for the entertainment of fan-fiction readers.

**Author's Note: **So after reading the Twilight series, of course I had many ideas about things that were left untouched in the books. This is one of them. Enjoy.

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**Prologue**

I had felt so much pain.

The fact that I was a vampire made this much more significant. Pain was not something we were accustomed to feeling. But it had been something I had been feeling often since I had met Bella.

At first, it had been a burning pain, coming from the monster that threatened to break free from within me. I had wanted to _slaughter_ everyone in the room the first time I had smelled her. Her irresistible scent had caused me unbearable pain those first few days.

Then, it had been the longing to be near her, to protect her. _That_ had been even more painful. I hadn't been able to fight my better judgment. The thought of any harm befalling her had been . . . agonizing. It had not been without effort that I was able to suppress my craving for her blood.

Finally, the excruciating pain I had felt when James had taken her. I had never been so frightened in my life. I didn't think I could feel fear like that anymore. It had taken every ounce of self-control to not lose focus and find Bella.

The thought of not being able to feel her soft body against mine, the warmth of her lips on mine, the love in her eyes . . . had been unbearable. Seeing her broken and bleeding had been an anguish I never knew was possible. It was then that I had been convinced that I could not exist without Bella.

That's why I had been surprised at how easy it had been to leave her. She had been so easily convinced . . . that part had hurt. Didn't she know how much I loved her? I had very much wished to be able to hear her thoughts at that moment . . . to know how she could have believed such an outrageous thing. But it had merely made my plan easier to carry out.

Perhaps it had been the knowledge that I was leaving her for her own protection. After the incident with Jasper, I had felt so guilty, putting her in harms way. Jasper's remorse had been great and the other member of my family had been ashamed at their collective reaction to the smell of her blood. And Bella . . . she had been so apologetic and mortified by it. I didn't want Bella or my family to be in that position ever again.

The look on Bella's face when I told her I was leaving had been one of disbelief. Her body had been trembling and at that moment she had looked more fragile than ever. That had been difficult to bear. My resolve had almost crumbled. Almost. But I had made up my mind and was set on carrying out my plan. I _would_ keep her safe. Even if it meant an eternity of torment for me.

All of that pain was nothing compared to the one I felt the day Rosalie came.

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**Hope you guys like it. Read and Review!**

**- Lady Artemis - **


	2. Chapter 1: Despair

**Disclaimer****:**** All characters are not owned by me and are used without permission solely for the entertainment of fan-fiction readers.**

**Author's Note****: ****So after reading the Twilight series, of course I had many ideas about things that were left untouched in the books. This is one of them. Enjoy.**

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**Chapter 1: Despair**

When I decided to leave Forks, my family had been shocked, but understanding. No one had fought me on it. Except for Alice . . . she had been quite difficult. So much so that she had set off for Denali with Jasper straightaway. She didn't understand.

I _had_ to keep Bella safe. Any misery that befell me in order to accomplish that was insignificant. I would gladly suffer decades of torment if only to know that she was safe and happy . . . alive. Alice didn't understand.

We left Forks quickly. I made sure to leave no trace behind for Bella to suffer over. I knew she would not dare go to our home . . . she _promised_ to stay out of harms way. I would hold her to it.

The next few months had been torture. It was easier at first. I had finding Victoria to distract me. But I wasn't very good at tracking and after a few weeks I had lost her trail. At least I knew she was heading south _away_ from Forks.

I picked up on her trail again in Mexico two months later and followed it all the way to South America. I had been glad of that . . . I shuddered at the thought of spending any extended amount of time in Mexico.

Victoria led me to Brazil after weeks of crisscrossing through the Amazon. It was curious how she kept slipping through my fingers every time I came close . . . very curious. My mind was turning, but I was preoccupied with other matters. It would have to wait.

In Brazil, the trail went cold and I felt a cold fear grip me. I had contacted Alice immediately, but she had confirmed nothing in Bella's future that merited our concern. The relief had been great, but why would Victoria go after Bella? We were much more suitable targets if she was irritated that we had broken her coven.

So I remained in Brazil, waiting for any news of Victoria. It was then that I had time . . . to much time, to think. I was finally able to feel the magnitude of my separation from Bella. Never again would I be able to feel her small frame within my arms. I would not feel the warmth of her lips on mine own. Nor would I be able to watch her sleeping peacefully in the night.

The grief had stuck me without warning. It ripped at my chest, where my heart had once been. In a matter of days, I became a useless heap upon the floor. The sunny days of Rio did not allow me to leave my room, making it impossible to escape my memories of her.

I started counting the weeks, then the days, and finally the hours. It took every strength in my being not to run straight back to Forks and beg Bella's forgiveness. I craved every phone call I received from Carlisle, who was monitoring all news coming from Forks.

It was on a particularly dismal day that the small silver phone in my pocket began to buzz. I grabbed for in, hoping another call from Carlisle with an update. I hesitated for a second when I saw who it was calling me.

Rosalie.

"Hello?" I asked.

Rosalie's voice was hard, "Edward, I _must_ speak with you".

"What do you mean Rosalie?"

"I need to _see_ you", she said quickly.

My eyes narrowed. What could she possible say that was so important she to meet in person?

"I'm in Brazil at the moment", I answered.

"Victoria is the least of your worries right now", she said sharply.

An eyebrow rose into my hairline, "What do you mean?"

Rosalie sighed exasperatedly, "Just tell me where you are Edward".

Something in her voice told me I needed to meet with her. Something was . . . off.

I gave Rosalie precise instructions as to my whereabouts in Brazil. She said she would be here within 24 hours.

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When Rosalie arrived, I knew immediately that something was terribly wrong. Not only did she have a grim look on her face, but she was hiding her thoughts from me. My mind raced as I listened to her recite the periodic table in her thoughts.

"What is it?" I croaked at her, my voice barely audible.

She looked into my eyes and suddenly I knew.

"Edward, I am afraid that Bella is . . ."

The horrific cry that escaped my lips silenced her. She looked surprised at my reaction.

Rosalie reached out for me, "She jumped off the cliffs on the beach in La Push. Alice saw her do it, she didn't come back up . . ."

Her voice trailed off as I felt the room start to spin. Bella was . . . gone? It couldn't be true! _How_ could it be true? I recoiled from Rosalie's hand, which was gripping my shoulder.

An anguished groan came out from deep in my chest as I crumbled to the floor. I pulled at my hair as I shook my head over and over again.

"No, no, no, not Bella, please, tell me it isn't true!"

How I wish I could cry. The tears were there, trying to free themselves, but they could not. I had never loathed being a vampire more than in that moment. My breaths came out short and quick as I tried to calm myself. But I knew it was impossible.

I would never see her deep, loving eyes again. She would never murmur my name in her sleep. Bella's beautiful face filled my mind and I realized with a sharp pang that I would never see her again. It was the most unbearable pain . . . it was the end.

My thoughts cleared a bit and I thought back to when James had captured Bella. I remember I had thought of ways to end my life then, thinking of how Bella might die at his hands. Again I considered the possibilities . . . I could not . . . I _would_ not exist without Bella.

Rosalie's voice broke my train of thought, "Edward . . ."

_I do not understand. He had to have known this would end badly._

I snarled at her thoughts. Rosalie backed away from me. I turned to glare at her.

"I don't expect you to understand", I hissed.

Her face was as hard as stone as she surveyed me. I was on the ground, writhing around like I was in pain.

_There is nothing to be done now. Bella is dead._

I cringed at the last word. How could she be so cruel? But it was Rosalie . . . she did not feel the same way as other about things. She was cold and calculating in her reactions.

I let my gaze fall back on her, "There is something . . ."

Her eyes questioned me and she stepped towards me. She reached down to help me up. I pushed her hand away, curling myself up in a ball on the floor.

"Edward, _please_", she said with a hint of concern in her voice.

_Just come home. Everyone is worried about you. You can't save her anymore._

I cried out at that and shook my head. I turned my back to her, my eyes shut tight.

"Just go", I whispered.

It was hours later when I turned around again to find Rosalie gone.

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**It's hard to be inspired without any feedback! Read and Review guys!!!**

**- Lady Artemis - **


	3. Chapter 2: Decision

**Disclaimer****: All characters are not owned by me and are used without permission solely for the entertainment of fan-fiction readers.**

**Author's Note****: Edward faces the truth of Rosalie's words.**

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**Chapter 2: Decision**

Bella _couldn't_ be dead. I refused to believe it. Rosalie had merely made an assumption from talking to Alice.

Alice had seen her jump, but she didn't see her come back up. That could mean many things. It didn't necessarily mean that Bella was dead. It had to be false. She could have just as easily have been pulled out of sight by the current.

Bella could be safely at home at this very moment, chastising herself for being so careless.

Rosalie had never been fond of her. Ever since Bella had entered our lives, Rose had blamed her for everything that followed. It had been very irritating. It's not like Bella could help her bad luck and clumsiness. It wasn't fair of Rose to judge her like that.

I was equally to blame. I had been careless. I had let my emotions towards Bella cloud my judgment. My mistakes had caused a chain of events that had very nearly ended Bella's life.

And then when I had tried being more careful. I hadn't thought things through all the way. After all she _was_ still human. She could hurt herself. And Bella was _extremely_ accident prone.

Jasper had been hardly to blame for _that_ incident. He had punished himself enough for it already. It had been hard to listen to his thoughts for days. Alice had been on edge the whole time up to when they left for Denali. That had been for the best. Jasper hardly needed reminders about it.

But Rosalie would never have come all the way to Brazil on a whim. She _had_ spoken to Alice. She was not capable of such deceit. Betrayal like that was beyond even her.

Then there was Alice. She had seen Bella fall. She hadn't _seen_ her come up. Not for herself. But that didn't mean she hadn't come up. Alice's visions were subjective . . . always changing.

I had to know the truth.

I groped for my phone, a small flicker of hope in my mind. I had to call Forks and know for sure. I quickly dialed her house, the numbers familiar under my fingers as I pressed the buttons.

The phone rang twice before a gruff voice answered. It wasn't Charlie. My felt myself go cold.

"Could I please speak to Chief Swann?" I asked.

There was a long pause. I could have sworn I heard a low growl. When the voice spoke again, there was something about it that was vaguely familiar.

"He's not here; he's at the funeral . . .", there was a stiffness to the voice.

I hung up before the voice could continue.

The phone dropped out of my hand and rolled along the ground. I fell to my knees, a new wave of anguish overcoming me.

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Hours passed. But I didn't move from my spot on the floor. Moving would mean that it was all real, that Bella really was . . . dead. More hours passed.

The buzzing of my phone snapped me back into reality. I reached for it and looked at the screen.

Alice.

I didn't answer it. I couldn't bear to hear it from her. That would make it final.

But it _was_ final. Bella was dead. Her father was at her funeral. Soon, I would join her. My decision was made.

Rosalie would surely inform the others of my reaction. They would come for me soon. I didn't have a lot of time. I had to move quickly before Alice realized what I was planning.

I made some phone calls to make arrangements. I needed a flight, documents, and cash. Good thing my Portuguese wasn't rusty. Last time I had been in Brazil had been decades ago.

As I waited to be reached by my contact in Rio, I sat and though about my options. There was only one way to do this. The Volturi were unwavering when it came to their laws. They held no mercy for those who broke them and were swift in carrying out punishment. I was counting on that.

My phone buzzed in my hand.

Carlisle this time.

I could not speak with of them. They would try to convince me to come home. It would be difficult not to listen to them, so it was easier this way. My resolve was wavering as it was, but I was decided.

I merely had to think about spending eternity without Bella, and my resolve returned stronger than ever. My family would need to understand.

I felt a pang of guilt as Esme's face filled my head. I cringed at the thought of doing anything that would hurt her. Anyone so gentle and sweet did not deserve any sadness. And she would be sad. She would be stricken at the news of my death.

Carlisle would understand. I could hardly imagine him to be disappointed in me. He knew that if it were Esme, he would do the same, as would Jasper. And Alice . . . she would do _anything_ for Jasper.

Emmet would kill all in his path in order to keep Rosalie safe. I small smile almost crept on my lips at the thought of Emmet. But Rosalie, she was so difficult to understand that sometimes I wondered what she would really do. But she _did_ love Emmet, so surely she would have some understanding to my position.

I never could understand her hate towards humans. After all, she did yearn so much to be human again. I suppose it was the fact that she wished to be human once more so badly that she despised them for it. They only reminded her of everything she could never have.

My phone buzzed again and I finally received the call I had been waiting for. Everything was arranged and I would be departing in a few hours. I didn't bother to pack anything. I wouldn't need it.

I walked through the streets of Rio de Janeiro. I made sure to drop my silver phone into an empty trash can on the way. I was heading for the airport.

Soon, I would be in Italy soon. I had plenty of time to think of how to deal with the Volturi.

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**R & R . . . I may not be able to update for a bit. I'll be traveling for a while.**

**- Lady Artemis -  
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